Write

They say “write”. Whatever you want. Whatever you need to say. Nobody’s gonna give a shit.
I now realize, as I rip out the pages, what a diary is all about. It doesn’t matter if X is gonna hang out with you tomorrow, I doesn’t matter if your parents are getting divorced, if you had a fight with your best friend…
As I write down everything that happened, it’s already in the past. And the good thing about teenage stuff is that you grow up without noticing.
You grow up, you start to see things from a new perspective, you make new friends, you do crappy things, you make mistakes, you try to fix them, you try to satisfy every single person around you, then you see it’s not working and you just say “fuck it all”.
Are you writing at all?
And then you look back with 4 years and you wanna laugh at things you used to worry about. Those are nothing compared to what you’re dealing with now.
This is what a diary is about. Not even this fucking notebook cares about your stupid butterflies for a guy who doesn’t even know you exist.. that’s not teenage period. That’s teenage stupidity. You stop being a kid and start to grow up when you change lollipops for cigarettes, sweets for drugs, kisses for sex and innocence for irony. Oh how I love being a teenager! So full of drama, so full of bullshit.
A diary is about saying whatever the hell you feel at that very moment. Doesn’t matter if it makes no sense at all. They say “write whatever you want. Just write. You’ll feel better. God dammit if that’s not right.
Also, as you grow up you’ll learn to trust nobody and the only person you can always rely on is you. Do whatever you want cause in the end the only yhing you regret is the one you didn’t have the guts to do.
Don’t fuck up other people’s life, do whatever you want with yours.
Choose to give or not to give a fuck.

Yes I wrote this in my old diary after I rip out every single page. On those pages were written the beginning of my book.
I used to have a diary when I was about 13-15 and I used to write all kind of pointless shit. Until my mom found it and caught me with some lies. Cigarettes and so on. I keep wondering how could I have been so stupid. I stopped writing then. Started again later.. but I'm never gonna keep a diary again. I realised it's stupid. It was just funny to see what I was thinking back then. Remembering details, but I'm not doing it again. I tried but failed. I write every now and then whatever I feel, even if it doesn't make any sense, even if it sounds desperate.
I started writing 2 books... and stopped by the page 70.
I don't know why.

Do you write sometimes?